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Home > Guidelines > 1. Trim that Text! > 1e. Delete marketing fluff. |
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1e. Delete marketing fluff.
Usability was improved by a good deal in the objective language version (27% better). Our conjecture to explain this finding is that the promotional language imposes a cognitive burden on users who have to spend resources on filtering out the hyberbole to get at the facts. —Nielsen, 1997b. Be direct. Studies have shown that simple, direct language works better on screen than flowery or "marketing oriented" prose. —Bricklin (1998). The Web is a rather "cool" medium that encourages the use of facts with links to back-up datasheets and detailed numbers. —Nielsen (1999f, p. 101). Users rarely look at logos, mission statements, slogans, or any other elements they consider fluff (in particular, they ignore advertising and anything that looks like an ad). —Nielsen (2000a). Trust is less of an issue for newspapers, which usually have high integrity. Other sites need to fight for credibility and must reduce marketese, slogans, and other elements that generate distrust. —Nielsen (2000b). Choose a tone that fits the message and the audience. Effective text features:
[But] scannability and conciseness positively affected users more than objective versus promotional language alone. —Spyridakis(2000) See: Bricklin (1998), Morkes & Nielsen (1997), Nielsen (1997b, 1999f, 2000a, 2000b), Spyridakis (2000). |
Other ways to trim that text 1a. Cut any paper-based text by 50%. 1c. Make some sentences short. 1d. Make most paragraphs short. 1f. Move vital but tangential or supplemental material. 1g. Convert repeating categories of information into tables. 1h. Beware of cutting so far that you make the text ambiguous. Resources on brevity Heuristic Online Text (HOT) Evaluation for Brevity
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Diagram
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Original marketing paragraph There’s no magic formula for e-business success. It requires broad vision, tight execution — and a fully integrated, instantly scalable, totally flexible technology infrastructure base, enterprise-wide. That’s why more and more world-class companies are relying on the mySIMP e-business platform. Our industry-leading solution package enables dynamic organizations like yours to reduce the time it takes to bring your products to market. We help you build long-lasting relationships with your most loyal customers. Together, we can achieve long-term, profitable growth. 79 words Revised marketing paragraph To succeed in e-business, you need to bring together data from all over your company, building on technology that can handle quick changes, cut time to market, and let you get closer to your most loyal customers. How? Build on the mySIMP e-business platform. 44 words |
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